Just because I blog about motherhood, it doesn’t make me a Supermom. In fact, I am a pretty shitty mom!
Now that we have established that, no one has to hide their judgment. This post is entirely dedicated to pointing out the numerous occasions on which I’ve come to question my mommyhood style & abilities. So it is definitely full of opportunities to scrutinize and judge me – as a matter of fact, it is an invitation to do so. But if you are a mommy, a good one at that, surely you’ve had a moment or two of your own, and if so, this is a dare to share so that new mommies can learn from our mistakes.
These are 5 of my very own inglorious SHI**Y MOM moves that I have spectacularly accumulated in just 6 (very short) months:
#5 Assuming that the Bumbo floor seat is a safe place to “park” my 5 month-old.
So my little guy couldn’t wait to sit up. His neck and back were strong but he was still figuring out the whole balance thing and he fell over quite frequently. So I borrowed my friend’s Bumbo floor seat to see if the support might help. The next day, I sat him in and parked him right outside the bathroom next to a bunch of toys while I took a quick shower. But when I switched off the water, something seemed strange. The silence… When I opened the shower curtain, I found him arched to the side, one leg & hip out of the seat, with his head almost touching the floor. He was trying to grab a toy that had fallen out of reach. Maybe I should have watched this video:
#4 Changing my baby between two sinks in the bathroom of a rooftop restaurant /lounge bar.
How did I end up there with a 1 month-old? It was a friend’s birthday; before accepting the invitation, I asked if it was a family friendly place and my girlfriend actually called them to check. They said of course! Well, I guess we must have asked the wrong question, then! Because when I got there, the 3 looooong flights of stairs (no elevators), the loud music, the happy hour crowd and the lack of a changing table in the bathroom (to name a few), were all very loud signs that this was ABSOLUTELY not an appropriate venue for a baby. While I made it a quick one, sometimes a diaper change simply can’t wait, so I had to place him between two sinks and manage to take care of the shi**iest diaper change ever!
#3 Realizing that my friends too, think I’m a SHI**Y Mom.
I was hanging out with two girlfriends and needed to get something in the kitchen, so I placed my little human on the colourful mat and headed to the (open concept) kitchen. But I was only gone 1 minute when he started to complain. So I came back and I saw that the lower half of his body was stuck in the space between the floor and the sofa. As he was learning to crawl, I understood that he had crawled backwards and gotten stuck. So I quickly approached to pull him out. That’s when both of my friends confessed that they had seen him but thought that I had put him there intentionally to restrict his movements. WOW! I’ve definitely successfully branded myself “The SHI**Y Mom”.
#2 Forgetting to buckle up my baby in the infant car seat (attached to the stroller) as i climbed up a flight of stairs.
After baby was born, everyday was a bad hair day. After one month, I decided to put an end to that. I made an appointment and headed to the cozy little salon that accommodates new moms and their babies (how cool!?). Anyway, at that stage, the baby slept most of the time. So when we got out of the house, he was asleep, but by the time we hopped on the train, he woke up cranky and HUNGRY! The only way I managed to calm him down was by getting him out of his car seat/stroller and putting him in the baby carrier to feed him. In less than 5, we were friends again, so I put him back in the stroller.
When we reached our station I discovered that there were no elevators and a kind young man, who probably noticed the frustration on my face, offered to help me carry the stroller up the stairs. So he lifted the front, I got the back and we started climbing. Half way through, I suddenly broke out in a cold sweat. “Shit, I didn’t buckle the harness straps! STOP! STOP! STOP!” I screamed at the poor guy; I didn’t know how else to express the urgency. We put the stroller down and I opened the canopies to find my 5 week-old quietly lying face down at the bottom of his car seat. While I’d just had the fright of my life, he seemed unbothered. How’s that for a shi**y moment. I am now as obsessive compulsive as Jack Nicholson in as Good As It Gets.
#1 Being stuck in a broken Jeep at sunset between the lions and the rhinos with my 3-month old.
Before – (Don’t we look happy!) After – (So unimpressed)
It all began with a much needed sisters (+kids) vacation in Nairobi. My sister had a great idea; we would spend an afternoon at the Nairobi National Park which is just minutes from the city centre. Our trusted Nairobi driver hired us a guide and one of those oversized Jeeps that are designed to enhance the wildlife experience. The roof top goes up and you can stand up inside to have a better look at the animals and take photos. Surprised by this feature, I asked “So, Matthew, since the rooftop is open, can’t animals get in from the top?” His matter-of-fact-ish answer was: “No, no animals can climb up…except for cheetahs.” An awkward silence in the car was followed by an explosion of laughter. Well, if that was the case, we had nothing to worry about right?
A while later, after passing by the rhinos and zebras, we saw lions from afar! The driver decided to take what I would call the “back road” to get a closer look. But before he managed to get close enough, BOOM! We hit a big rock. The driver and the guide got out to check the extent of the damage. After 30 minutes of fruitless efforts they decided to call a rescue vehicle. By the time it arrived, the sun was setting. But that wasn’t the worst part; the rescue car offered the ultimate unobstructed view/access to our surroundings – no roof, no windows, no seatbelts. Need I say more?
I have had many more moments, but I think this is enough sharing for one day, isn’t it? Until next time!
So, what were YOUR inglorious moments? Dare to share and let’s save a new mom from making a bad move.